Confessions Of A Ryan Adams Superfan

In honor of Ry's new album, Ashes and Fire, coming out on October 11th...

Dear Ryan (<---I know him well enough to be on a first name basis),

To put it simply, I love you. We have never actually met, but I know we are soulmates. Mandy's cool, and I like that you married someone who used to sing about candy, but I really think we'd get along. I would even settle for being both of your best friends. We could hang out; laugh, eat cake, play with your animals, hike--really, I'm up for anything.

I haven't always loved you. In fact, our relationship is at about 2 1/2 years. I'd heard about you from shows like One Tree Hill, but since my music taste had not yet evolved, I was still paying $200 to go to Britney Spears concerts (still love ya Brit!). Enter the boy to end all boys--thanks to him, you came into my life. You rocked my world. Sang me to sleep. Gave me jams to soothe my broken heart. He gave me a mixed CD of your songs. I waited a few days to actually listen, but when I did, I kind of freaked out. Where the eff had you been all my life? Why was I so stupid as to only listen to music that a 15 year old would listen to? In an instant, you became the love of my life.

Within weeks, I got every single album you ever made. And your books. For a solid three months, my life consisted of only you. You totally get me--telling me we're going to win, to put my troubles behind me, and go on to bed (you know how much I need my sleep). I think I would have had a nervous breakdown after that boy disappeared had it not been for you.

I know you have tons of fans who all probably say they're your biggest fans. But I'm serious. I really think I am. I've never seen you live because I chose to start loving you after you finished tons of touring...but for this next album (it's probably the highlight of my year), I hope and pray that you will come sing to me.

I've often thought about what I would say to you if we ever meet. Probably something similar to this. I just wanna warn you though, that if we ever do cross paths, I will probably freak out and try not to have an anxiety attack which will inevitably not work causing me to cry a teeny bit. Just smile at me real big and give me a hug and tell me that it's gonna be okay and I promise I'll calm down so you can realize how much you love me.

Sincerely,

Emily

What Makes Females Go Crazy In The Year 2011

This is dedicated to Travis. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Liars--this includes those liars who lie by "omission."

Cheaters

Men who think that women are so complicating and hard to understand--we really don't expect that much from you. i'm serious. it's the little things that make us happy so shoot us a text in the morning to wish us a good day or bring us chocolate when we're PMSing (yes, we do that) or hell, be bold and give us a call when you want to talk to us. again, it's the LITTLE THINGS.

It's really hard being a girl. Nothing is crazier than all the standards and expectations we have to be a certain way...we will always feel like we're lacking something; we will always look at those trashy magazines and wish we didn't have cellulite on our ass like we're SURE olivia wilde doesn't, or wish we could make our hair less frizzy (that's when a girl's hair has more volume but not in a good way...humidity usually does this) like jennifer aniston, whom never, ever seems to have this problem.

Humidity (see above)

Hayden Panettiere

 Facebook

Dramatic changes in behavior--i.e. when a guy texts you EVERYDAY, a couple times a day, and then abruptly stops, there should be no surprise that we ask/wonder what has happened or changed; no, this does not make us "crazy" or "possessive." we are normal and functional human beings who want to make sure we're not dealing with idiot/asshole boys who like to change their minds on a whim.

Being told to "calm down" or "chill out" when we're actually quite fine; raising our voices and getting agitated does not mean we are having a freak-out.

"Are you PMSing or something?"

Other females who flirt with every breathing male.

When men lose interest in our lives and/or would rather be hanging out with their "boys." If you want to act like a 14 year-old, then please just do us a favor and break up with us.

When we're out with a dude and he won't quit checking out every other woman in the room; i.e. waitresses, bartenders, any girl with a skirt on.












**some of these are subject to change and/or be added to...

What I Wish I Could Have Told Myself At 18

We were really cool in high school

Take a minute to stop and breathe every now and then. A few deep breaths in the morning do wonders for the rest of your day.

Even though it feels like it, you WILL NOT die of a broken heart.

Texting and calling someone every five minutes will not make them want to be with you more.

Take note of what you look like now, and be diligent in maintaining that look because once you start drinking more and eating "drunk food," you WILL GAIN WEIGHT.

Bad decisions are good for your development. So don't worry.

Don't wait to get pedicures until your 23 (or older). Even if you have to ask your parents for money, go ahead and do so.

this is actually really cute. 

You don't have to decide what you're going to do with your life until about the third year in school (and even then, it's subject to change). Live up irresponsibility while you can.

90's Heartthrobs

The 90's were my formative years, obviously. Unsure of what this says about me then, but these guys were my main men back in the day.

                                                       JTT--me and every other girl, right?

                                                                 Andrew Keegan--duh.

Zachary Ty Bryan--i had a picture of him next to my bed and kissed it every night before i went to bed. NOT KIDDING. 

Leonardo DiCaprio (Growing Pains years)--oh my god leo, stop. you're so cute and funny and i can't stand it.

 DEVON SAWA--he was and always will be my number one, dammit.

Fave 90's male? GO.

Felicity

I write alot about TV because I watch alot of it. Always have.

There's something about sitting down for a half or full hour and getting sucked in to other people's worlds. I don't have to stretch my attention for a long period of time like I do in movies; I can continue along the path of someone's life I started  the previous week or even season before. It's nice getting to know people that don't really exist. Good fictional characters have always felt like real people to me--sometimes more real than real people I know. They don't make you guess who they are or what their motives are. And they always tell you bad news in a way that doesn't make you want to lose it, like some real people do.

Felicity totes made me feel better about being myself. I'm convinced I came out of the womb a thoughtful, analytical, and sometimes dramatic human being. At 14, I didn't really know anyone who journaled everyday to remember the details or knew anyone who only had unrequited loves. Felicity was kind of like the friend I really wanted but didn't have (someone who was bat shit complicating like I was).

FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT "FELICITY"

My favorite thing about Felicity (besides her hair, and then her ballsiness to cut off the hair) was her tape recorder. That was her journal. How friggin cool is that?! She would sit on the floor next to her bed and talk to it, sending the final product to a long-time close friend.

Ben and Noel--I was, and still am, a total 'Ben' girl.

That guy and girl who worked at that coffee shop

The fictional New York college

Felicity's apartment

NOTE: created by J.J. Abrams (bonus point) and produced by Brian Grazer and Ron Howard (87 bonus points).

That's some quality television right thurrr.

Edit: Old Disney Channel Shows; THE TORKELSONS

I feel like a total bitch, thanks to my little sister. Forgot to include the best, most special and most interesting show that ever lived.

This starting makes me cry because it's so good

To this day, I still want a bay window to talk to the man in the moon.

AND, Alan--from the Babysitters Club--is one of the little brothers, which is even better because as I mentioned before, I had a serious crush on him and now I know where it started.

LOOK AT RILEY NOW

Dorothy Jean's main man was her neighbor, Riley. She loved him but he never knew, which SUCKS LOLZ.------that was kella. Okay anyways, so Riley was nice to Dorothy Jean and stuff, but he was a senior and she was a freshman so there was no chance for them. This of course is the epitome of my adolescence which means Dorothy J and I are soulmates.

Basically, I love it and if anyone wants to get the DVD set for me for Christmas that'd be super fab. thankzzzzz!

8 Reasons Why I Love The Babysitters Club Movie

1) I still don't really get why they had to spend their whole summer saving money up for the greenhouse, so that they would have their own private headquarters. Have you SEEN Claudia's room??

2) Alan--I legit thought he was cute. I'm serious.

3) "The brain, the brain, the center of the chain..."--So educational.

4) "WHAT?"
    "She wants a pot holder."

5) The summer camp they started.

6) How the girls saved Kristy in the end.

7) Luca--Luca and Stacey MAKE OUT

8) Movie Soundtrack--Tell me this does not make you want to jump around and dance & sing with your girls. 

My parents got me this on DVD last Christmas. I don't care how old we get, this will always be me and my bff's favorite movie. A perfect go-to movie when you're sad, bored, nostalgic, stressed, etc.

BSC 4 eva.

Old Movies My Mom Introduced Me To As A Kid

I suppose my love of old things came in part from my mother. She was always introducing us to "new" old movies...probably wanted a break from all the Nickelodeon and Disney Channel shows. It was an added bonus that we actually liked all of them.

It was very normal for her to walk into our rooms and see us with her paisley handkerchiefs on our heads, pretending to be living in the hills of Switzerland like Heidi, or doing the "Tiger Lilly" dance from Mary Martin's Peter Pan.

                                          Pollyanna: I adored her aunt's staff. And the "glad game."

The Parent Trap: I loved the idea of summer camp (hence, Bug Juice), and how can anyone forget the intro? 

"John. Marsha."

Bye Bye Birdie: Ann Margaret was the first woman that I remember having true sex appeal. 

Duh.

Peter Pan: Tiger Lilly changed my life. I'M SERIOUS. It's kind of terrifying now, but still so so genius.

Our Vines Have Tender Grapes: Again, during my "I want to be an old fashioned/pioneer/farmer girl." Margaret O'Brien is the cutest thing, EVER.

Grease: I always wanted to be this badass in front of the boy I like. 

Shirley Temple:

     Heidi

                        The Little Princess                         

                                                                                 ...don't judge me. 

The Long Long Trailer: Our closets provided wonderful trailers to live in for me and my sisters. Oh, Lucy.

Geekery

Thought it was about time to write about something other than TV. (Don't get used to it--will not happen very often.)

Ok, so I figured out what Etsy was about a year ago. If you don't know what it is, you have to google it because I will have no patience to explain it to you.

My current favorite thing to do at work while I'm busy slacking off is to look under the "Geekery" tab on Etsy; specifically, the "kitsch" items. I've busied myself all morning and found a couple great things that I'll need to buy people for Christmas.

For Dad

For Mom

My Sister

My other Sister

For Me

Another one for Me

Maybe another one for Me?

Duh.

For all my friends.

Old Disney Channel Shows

Growing up, me and my sisters watched Nickelodeon and The Disney Channel like it was our job. I miss those times. In the winter, we'd bundle up and wait for mom to bring us hot chocolate while we watched; In the summer, we'd have our lunch watching these before we left for the pool. It was always me and my sisters and one of the following shows. I hope other people got as much joy out of these as we did!

Adventures in Wonderland~ Intro; I was so obsessed with the intro to this...I wanted a freaking mirror to fall through and a gray kitten named Dinah.

Under the Umbrella Tree~ Intro; I loved Gloria. But I also wanted to have a built in bookcase that I could sit in and read like the lizard. And what exactly was "down the umbrella tree"?? Did Holly REALLY live with a bird, a lizard, and a gopher? What about a boyfriend? Or maybe a girlfriend? My brain is still plagued with all these important questions.

The Babysitter's Club~ Intro; I can close my eyes and still remember what a Saturday felt like when I'd lay around and wait for this to come on. Who didn't want to be Stacey?? And do people really trust 12 year olds with their children?

Bug Juice~ Intro; This is probably the most recent of shows we used to watch. I loved the original cast--couldn't fathom how kids my age left their parents for weeks at a time (I spent 3 days at horse camp with my girl scout troop and cried the whole trip...)

Flash Forward~ Intro; This was a kind of precursor to my Dawson's Creek years.

Kids Incorporated~ Intro; FERGIE, HOLY SHIT.

Ocean Girl~ Intro; I've never met anyone who ever watched this show, but this was the influence to every pool game my sisters and I played: Ocean Girl (obvi.)

Road to Avonlea~ Intro; So much like Anne of Green Gables. Also when I was in my wanting to be an "old fashioned" girl phase.